Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
