he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
it's like heaven, but drunker
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
