there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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