I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
