i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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