Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
