I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
