Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
