Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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