If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize