Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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