You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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