Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
