Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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