drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Randomize
