I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
