Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
