Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
