dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
