I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
