He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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