I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
