I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We named our party play list daddy issues
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
