Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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