it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize