Even the bartender felt bad for me
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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