I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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