the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
