I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
