As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
