Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I currently don't understand fingers.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
