I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
