Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize