hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
COCAINE IS GR8
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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