I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
