Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
