My balls are so social today.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize