I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
