everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize