we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have aggressive nipples.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
