You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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