Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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