he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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