After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
