so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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