There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize