I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
