Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
