I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
