I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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