Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
