Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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