My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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