My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
