so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
