my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize