Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
