hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
