I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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