it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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