I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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