This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
