yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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