so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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