i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
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