Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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