actually, I'm a sock model
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
