I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
