I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
