I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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