i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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