You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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