I should be sponsored by Trojan
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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