so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
