I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
