I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Four minutes until I can fart!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
