he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
