that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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