he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
NoShamevember. You game?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
