I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
