Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
