I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
