their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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