my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
