so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
