sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
