i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Alive.
So much puke
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
