Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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