My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
