If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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