Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Randomize
