Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
