Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
