I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
