i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I have post one night stand depression
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
