Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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