If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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