I'm jealous of your bromance
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
