I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
