There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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