You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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