Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
