3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
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